Rainbow on the horizon

Do you see it? The rainbow.

If I stretch out my hand I’d reach it, the colors would melt in my hand and cover me whole.

But I won’t. The thought of it is enough for me.

It’s been long since you’ve left my side. But I carry you in my heart.

I never understood it before, when people said it. Just words I thought.

And breath is wasted on words.

And I needed to save all of mine so I could spend it on you, should you ask.

But you never asked, for anything.

Not my breath, not my words, not my remembrance of you.

But you don’t have to ask for what’s yours.

And what is yours? All of it.

I could only give you all of me, and I know it’s too late now but I wish I could’ve done more…

So, I’ll say it again. I carry you in my heart.

Your kind smile, your tired eyes, the way you’d find joy in any situation, your favourite blue t-shirt, the way you’d burst out laughing at my saddest jokes, your sleepy murmur, and your coffee breath.

They don’t haunt me. They don’t follow me. They’re just here with me.

It breaks my heart that you’ll stay here forever, in my heart.

And only here.

But I can’t let it shatter too much. I wouldn’t want to give you a broken home.