Does love have to be a home?

For years, we have been made to believe that we can find a home in another person. And I have spent years trying to understand how to be someone who could do that. I have stood at the threshold with all my bags and books numerous times. On rare occasions, I have stepped in. I have entered rooms with too many mirrors, and I have also seen rooms where I couldn't see myself for days. I have taken off my shoes and taken a seat. I have asked for a glass of water and tried to like the unfamiliar taste. I have paced around the room, noticed the cracks and the ticking clocks. I have spent days and years but never unpacked my bags. I have never once put down my bags and opened them. I have never once opened a cupboard and put all of myself in it to be seen and judged. And maybe someday I will be brave enough to do that, but for now, I am tired of finding a home in people or letting them into mine.

So, I understand why 사랑 could mean either love or a guest room.

Because I want to care for you and I do, but only if caring means offering you my finest china and hiding the chipped mug I drink my green tea from. I want us to get to know each other, but only if getting to know means knowing how I take my coffee and not why I had to stop drinking it. I want to lay a feast for you and watch you eat, but I don't want to eat with you and leave behind a messy plate. I want us to be happy and share a laugh as long as you don't notice my teeth and my awkward laugh. I will come with all bags and books, but I won't lay them down. And you, too, are welcome with all your belongings as long as you don't notice the cracks or the unfamiliar taste that you don't like.

And maybe someday I will be brave enough to truly be at home, but for now, a guest house will do.